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Jennifer Nekuda lightwild — Sweet Valley High, Book 1: Double Love It's no wonder that I had unrealistic views Of the world after Reading this bullshit Series so avidly. Jess Is a bitch; Liz is A doormat. The Sweet Valleyans are moronic Gossips. Jessica Tries to steal Liz's Crush. Liz cries a lot. Jess jumps Into a Porsche with A cheeseball wanna- Be date rapist who takes her To a bar (gasp!). Cop Takes her home. She lets The cop believe she's Eliz. Much gossip ensues. The whole school believes This BS; not one soul stops To think, hey, maybe We're gossiping 'bout The wrong twin! MORONS. Jess goes To the dance with Todd, Liz's crush. Dances Sexily. Liz goes with a Dork, because she's nice That way. Side stories Abound, but they are even More dull than the main One. Cheesy dude Rick "Talked the way he drove - fast and Dangerously." He Also nicknames Jess "Heaven." Is anyone else Here suppressing the Urge to vomit? Jess Claims Todd wouldn't keep his hands Off her. Liz: repulsed. Rick tries to kidnap The girls and take them to the Evil bar. Todd saves The day. Liz and Todd Realize Jess's lies. They kiss. Liz is in love. Dumb, Melodramatic Language abounds. Oh, did I Mention Liz irons Her jeans? She does. And She gets the school to once more Confuse the twins with Each other so that Jessica gets thrown in the Pool. The End. (And I Will never get those Two hours of my life back.) Francine Pascal sucks. I hope you enjoyed This foray down Memory Lane. Dare I read more?